I've been noticeably absent, haven't I?
I've been wanting to share about the battle I've been waging these past few months, but I find that the more difficulty I'm having the harder it is to write about it.
Some time ago I ditched my scale. Then it came creeping back into my life. (Is that thing alive? Is it stalking me?) It's currently hanging out in the bathroom, but I've somehow managed to ignore it most days. That is quite a triumph.
I predicted that eliminating daily weighing would lead to weight gain for me, and I was correct. A self-fulfilling prophecy? I don't think so. I think the truth is that my body is just content at a higher weight than I'd like.
I gained back the 10 or so pounds that I lost last spring. At first my blood ran cold as I realized this was happening. I was just horrified. I had worked so hard to slim down, and I mean worked. I counted every calorie and fiber gram. I wrote down every morsel I ate. I worked out for at least an hour a day, plus walked for several miles.
It "worked." But when I went back to a somewhat normal life, the weight returned.
Popular thinking would say I failed. I fell off the wagon. Like Oprah, I just wasn't following directions any more. I should be so ashamed of myself.
Is that really how I should feel, ashamed?
At first I did. I felt ashamed that I wasn't able to maintain the results of all my hard work.
But was is that I was spending my days stuffing donuts in my face instead of exercising? Hardly. I just returned to a "normal" way of eating, moving, and being.
As the weeks went by my weight leveled off. I've reached a point where I'm almost comfortable with myself. I'd still like to be thinner, but I have achieved some self-acceptance.
So that's what I choose, not shame, but self-acceptance. I am eating nutritious foods in moderate quantities. I am using my body in healthy ways.
Why should I be ashamed of that?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
We all have set point weights that our body naturally tends to want to be at. This is fine if we're happy with our set point, but it can set us up for a lifetime of body angst and dissatisfaction if we long to be at a thinner (or heavier; there are people who struggle with keeping the pounds on, too) weight.
I think the key is striving for good physical health, not perfection. The challenge is finding that place where you're healthy and embracing self-acceptance.
Fortunately, God can help us get there.
Blessings to a beautiful woman inside and out!
Post a Comment